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301. Trust at First Sight: Create More Meaningful Connections
Brief
Vanessa Van Edwards (Science of People) and host Matt Abrahams frame strategic communication as a tool to remove friction and create trust quickly, focusing on four concrete levers: nonverbal gestures, signaling intensity, word choice, and imagery. Van Edwards stresses that gesture is underestimated — citing Dr. Susan Goldin-Meadow, she argues aligned gestures boost speaker fluency and listener belief — and offers practical rules (gesture beyond the shoulders, avoid 'penguining'). Abrahams adds a rehearsal tip: audio-record a talk and practice gestures while listening to build naturalness. They move from body language into verbal and visual signals: Van Edwards warns against sterile, autopilot language (e.g., “follow-up,” “checking in”) and early negative primers (“sorry I’m late”), urging a calendar-invite audit to cue the desired behavior. On imagery she introduces 'neural maps' — how photos, props, colors and Zoom backgrounds attract your people (and create purposeful “allergies” for non-fit). The pair note research suggesting blurry virtual backgrounds can prime distrust. Van Edwards closes with practical maxims: adopt 'dog energy' (warm expectancy), put others at ease via the platinum rule (treat others as they want to be treated), and clearly signal warmth and competence to calm the caveman brain. She also previews an October release: a blueprint for elevating conversation and creating deeper connections without faking extroversion.
Why it matters
Vanessa Van Edwards: Gestures are a powerful, often unconscious signal — Dr. Susan Goldin-Meadow’s research (cited by Van Edwards) shows gesture increases fluency and charisma; gestures that align with words make speakers feel more coherent and listeners more likely to believe them.
Key details
- Vanessa Van Edwards & Matt Abrahams: Check for 'under-signaling' (freezing, no facial/body expressiveness) and 'over-signaling' (excessive nodding, pacing); Van Edwards coined 'penguining' for arms glued to the torso and recommends gesturing beyond the shoulders to show openness.
- Matt Abrahams (technique): Practice gestures by audio-recording your talk and silently performing gestures while listening to the recording — a method his student uses to build natural gesturing without scripting.
- Vanessa Van Edwards: Watch verbal 'danger zones' — 'sterile' autopilot phrases (e.g., 'follow-up', 'checking in') and early 'accidentally negative' comments (e.g., 'sorry I'm late', 'crazy schedule') — and do a 'calendar-invite audit' to replace bland titles with behavior- and emotion-cueing labels.
- Vanessa Van Edwards: Curate imagery/neural maps (Zoom background, profile photos, props) to attract your target audience and repel non-ideal fit; she prefers targeted 'allergies' over trying to appeal to everyone. Also, research cited by Matt suggests blurry virtual backgrounds can prime suspicion.
- Vanessa Van Edwards: Communication recipe = 1) 'dog energy' (assume the best, warm enthusiasm), 2) put the other person at ease (platinum rule: treat others as they want to be treated), 3) appeal to the 'caveman brain' by signaling warmth and competence to reduce fear.