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The Math That Made Me Hopeless About Dating 💔

2025-07-20 · 16:00 UTC ·Modern Relationships with Erik Torenberg ·0 min read

Brief

The ex-Stripe engineer’s short presentation (Modern Relationships with Erik Torenberg, published 2025-07-20) recounts how calculating a dating pool in San Francisco crushed her confidence. In this talk-style video she explains the key mindset shift — treat dating not like sales but like targeted fishing — and encourages focusing on finding one great match instead of trying to convert everyone.

Why it matters

An ex-Stripe engineer in a video published 2025-07-20 tried to quantify how many “relevant” men existed in San Francisco and found that doing so wrecked her confidence and motivation.

Key details

  • She reframed dating as the opposite of sales: you don't need to convert a large pool, you only need to find one compatible person — summarized as “stop swimming in the ocean, start fishing in YOUR pool.”
  • The story and mindset shift were presented on the Modern Relationships with Erik Torenberg channel (YouTube) to illustrate a practical change in approach for Silicon Valley daters.
Source evidence

Ex-Stripe engineer reveals why calculating your dating pool is the WORST thing you can do...

She tried to figure out how many "relevant" men existed in SF and it completely destroyed her confidence 📊😭

But then she realized: Dating is the OPPOSITE of sales. You're not trying to convert everyone - just ONE amazing person ✨

The mindset shift that changed everything: Stop swimming in the ocean, start fishing in YOUR pool 🎣

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Channel: Modern Relationships with Erik Torenberg
Published: 2025-07-20
Video URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoUQD0lipQk