on creating a great relationship
Adele Bloch (@adele_bloch)
a lot of people dont actually know what a “good relationship" is - that’s why you wonder “maybe this is the best I can get”
here's what great relationships feel like that most couples don’t talk about:
> you don’t feel in gushy love all the time, but you do feel a deep sense of love, comfort, respect, and ease
> there’s no convincing that has to happen. they love you exactly as you are. all the times you’ve had to convince anyone of your attractiveness, worth, time, ambitions, dreams. that's not how a great relationship will make you feel
> your relationship will challenge you to be better. it will reveal your blindspots. you will have to put away your ego. you will make mistakes, you will hurt this person and they will hurt you. learn from it and be better
> arguments should feel gentle. they should feel loving. it's two people operating on the same team, solving a problem together. when it gets heated, you should both find ways to get back to baseline to reconcile
> you probably aren't arguing about what you think you're arguing about. she's not mad you 'didn't hangout with her,' she's mad because she hasn't felt prioritized. create space to look beyond what you're arguing about. it goes deeper than you think
> you will go through periods of ups and downs together. many external factors may challenge your relationship. sometimes you'll pour more into the cup, and sometimes they will. advocate for what you need during those times, and create space to hear what they need too
> a great relationship requires a ridiculous amount of tending to. and honesty. you'll grow in love together. you’re both putting in the effort to go deeper, to love deeper, to tend the garden that is your relationship
> ultimately you should feel like a better version of yourself because you're in this relationship. someone who feels like home. who makes you feel safe. whose hugs calm you down. safety. ease.
what else would you add?
— https://nitter.net/adele_bloch/status/2038475053113962898#m