S-Tier C-Suite:
CEO: Square jaw behind a gray beard. Runs the company off an iPad and hasn't opened a laptop in a decade.
CFO: Lenovo ThinkPad, three monitors, has cried over a spreadsheet and will absolutely cry over one again. Twitches over $14 salads on company card.
CTO: Banned from 3 countries. Carries an Android phone they cracked themselves. Blurry in every photograph. Knows where the bodies are buried. Never online during the day. Always online at night.
COO: Former valedictorian who once flagged the CTO for not updating a footer from 2025 to 2026. Always 10 minutes early. The CTO's natural enemy.
CMO: Part time influencer who hasn't paid for a meal since 2016. Gets recognized at airport lounges by people who can't explain what they do either.
CRO: Great Gatsby energy. Doesn't need the money, works for the thrill. Drives a vintage Aston Martin and is always late. The COO has filed complaints.